Always Have Tonight
by JodieLove
Summary: They loved each other for all they were worth. Both knew it too. Their relationship ended. They can't be together, she knows that. But they'll always have this one night to remember. Companionfic to I Thought We Were Real. Oneshot! RemusxOC! Read & Review


**Hello! I am back! :)**

**This, on **request from a reader (servalspirit), **is a companion fic to my first ever fiction, I Thought We Were Real based on the relationship between Remus and my OC character, Jodie.**

**Thus, this is also dedicated to her I guess. :)**

**If you haven't read my other fic, I will give you a brief explanation. Remus and Jodie used to date, but their relationship was strained at times because although they love each other, Jodie felt that Remus didn't trust her. Remus could not bring himself to tell him about his werewolf problem and breaks up with her because he thinks it would be better for her that way. By the end of the fic, graduation, they part amicably, but obviously awkwardly, and Jodie believes that she would forever wait for him. **

**This fits in before the epilogue, after the ending. Enjoy.**

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**Always Have Tonight**

He could feel her presence in the room. He could always feel her presence actually.

It hurt so much. Sometimes more painfully then other times.

He lay on his back, eyes squeezed shut in pain. He couldn't help but recall the moment he could never forgive himself for. It would come back to him at times, haunting him in his darkest moments.

Remembering her was his greatest dream. Remembering this was his greatest nightmare.

--

"_Jodie," he whispered. "Jo."_

"_Don't," she cried, "please. I need you."_

_She needs me. __Those words struck him like no others. She needed him. God, he needed her. But no, she didn't need him._

"_I'm sorry Jo."_

"_I love—" she cried, her grip tightening._

"_NO!" he shouted, cutting her off. "No!"_

_The tears finally spilled._

"_No?" she questioned, her voice weak and fragile like a child's._

"_Don't love me Jodie." He looked away, her pain, reflecting his own, too much to bear. "I'm not someone you should love."_

"_No," she muttered. "No. No. NO!" she cried, convince herself. "What're you going on about?" She shut her eyes, trying to shield herself. Her body felt numb as realization dawned on her. Remus watched._

"_Do you not love me?" she breathed. "You don't, that's it right?"_

"_No," sighed Remus. It would have been easier to say yes. That would have been the end. But he couldn't bear to leave her thinking that. "I love __you __Jodie. Believe me. Just…you can't love __me."__ He knew he wasn't making much sense to her. But to him, it was perfectly clear._

_He was a beast. She was his angel. But angels—they belong in heaven. And he couldn't give her that. He couldn't give her anything._

"_What the hell Remus?" she yelled, her tearstained face reddening. "You love me. You love me but I can't love you?" Her tone was demanding an explanation._

_He couldn't give her one._

"_It's just how it's supposed to be."_

"_Is it because of the war? Because of you know who? Because you're scared you'll have to leave me in safety? I won't you know. I won't stay and wait." She tried to reason with him._

"_I know," he whispered. That was one of the reasons he loved her. One of the many, he had grown to learn. He shouldn't have gotten attached. "That's not why. I'm sorry."_

_The grandfather clock in the furthermost corner chimed. An hour had gone by since Remus' arrival back at the castle._

_Suddenly, Jodie laughed bitterly. This caused Remus to finally return his gaze to her. Her beautiful face. Her flawless body. Her. Just her._

"_That's __just __like you Remus. Never telling me why. Never giving me a reason."_

_He knew it was true._

"_You keep every damn thing to yourself. You have all these secrets. Secrets from me." She said the last part softly—in resignation._

_He didn't have the courage to speak. He feared if he did, he would beg to erase everything he had just said. And he knew that couldn't happen._

"_So…" she said after a while, "this is it." She was calmer now. But no less pained._

"_Yeah," he croaked. His eyes finally watered._

"_Was it me Remus? Don't be afraid to tell me," she said, "I mean, how much more could this hurt? Just tell me. Was it me?"_

"_You were everything I could have wanted," he admitted truthfully, "You were more than I could have wanted."_

"_But you're so good at everything, and I'm just…me," replied Jodie, her back towards him. She didn't want to see him anymore, but she needed to know __why? _

"_You…were—are—perfect in every way Jodie. Don't you ever believe otherwise," he said gently, watching her back, tears fully pouring from his eyes._

"_You were everything I wanted Remus. I just want you to know that." Remus watched her shake, her chest heave uncontrollable, gasping for air. "You were the opposite of me. But I didn't care—because…" she sobbed again, "because I love you. Whether you want to hear it or not, whether you believe it or not. I love you."_

_She waited for his response._

_Remus questioned what he was doing for the thousandth time since they had begun talking this morning._

_Now more than ever, he despised the wolf that had bitten him. If he had the chance, he would kill him. He wouldn't think twice about it. Because that person, that beast, had ruined him and his life. Consequentially, Jodie's too._

"_Don't ever, __ever, __doubt that I loved you Jodie," his lips quivered, and Jodie finally turned to stare at him, eyes in wonder._

_She seemed to sense that there was no use asking him why once again. Like so many other times, he wouldn't tell her. He was protecting her, she knew, but from what?_

_And for the first time, she considered, maybe it was from himself._

"_So, this is it?" she asked once again. She prayed he'd say no, but she already knew his answer. "After this," she urged, "there's no going back. I won't go back."_

_Good, __thought Remus, because he didn't think he would be strong enough if Jodie gave him another chance. He was weak around her._

_He nodded slowly, but it seemed to last much longer than just slowly. A fraction of a second, to the both of them, seemed like eternity._

_This was it._

_Jodie sobbed._

_Remus tried not to sob._

_Two heartbroken souls._

_Jodie finally made a move to leave. It was too much for her. Remus didn't look. It was painful. It represented too much. She was walking out of his life. He had made her do that._

_But before she left, she had one last question._

"_If you had another chance. If whatever was holding you back wasn't there, what would you have chosen?" Her voice was torn and unsure._

"_You," he answered in a heartbeat. His heart was in his throat._

_She nodded sadly. "Yeah, I would choose you too. Sad isn't it?" She shrugged._

_She looked at him. "You're not going to die are you?" She attempted a smile._

"_The way I'm going, it's likely. But no, it's not in my plans."_

_With that, Jodie walked away._

"_I love you Remus," she whispered, the draft in the castle wailing the words tauntingly in his ears._

"_I love you too. I always will."_

--

"I love you," he breathed out, struggling to contain his tears. His breathing became heavy, his chest became constricted. Time hadn't eased the pain. At all.

He could still feel her around him. He imagine touching her. He imagined running his hands through her soft hair. He imagined laughing with her. He could feel her so vividly, as if she were right there—

A tear slipped down. He lifted his hand to clear it away quickly, but froze when he heard shuffling in the room.

Probably Sirius and James, he thought after a moment. Which made him reach for the tear all the more quickly. He didn't need them laughing at him.

He heard someone clear their throat. The sound was distinctively female. But it wasn't just that.

He knew that voice.

He opened his eyes, and struggled to sit up, wincing as the movements opened the deep gash in his chest once again. He brought one hand to his chest, but it easily dropped away when he saw the sight in front of him.

It was like a mirage. He narrowed his eyes disbelievingly. "Jo—" he began, quickly changing the nickname back, "—Jodie?" This wasn't real was it?

"Hey," Jodie responded quietly. She slipped her hood off, after locking the door for safety. She turned back to Remus, who was still having trouble coming to the terms with the fact that _she _was there. "Always were one for the hospital beds weren't you?" And although the words could be interpreted as a joke, the way she said it—almost in defeat—made him refrain from laughing.

He smiled slightly, still staring at her. She hadn't changed. The big blue eyes that had haunted him for the past year seemed just as surreal now. Her hair was longer, in a ponytail now. Her bangs still fell slighty over her eyes, eyes that were staring at him intently now. He realized he needed to respond. "Yeah, I guess."

The locked eyes. And for a long moment, neither could breathe. He could see the pain she had suffered, from him, from the war, in the depth of her eyes. He could feel the weariness radiate off her. She could see the regret in his eyes. And she, too, could see the pain.

All of a sudden, it became too much for her. She looked away instantly, opting to head to the corner of the room to grab the chair instead. She dragged it over so that it was beside the bed, a fair enough distance away. From experience, it was better that way. He intoxicated her. She couldn't have that anymore.

"How are you?" Remus asked after a while. He wasn't looking at her anymore.

She contemplated her answer for a while, considering whether to put on a brave front—"Never been better"—or merely shrug.

"You see me every order meeting," Jodie said finally. "Not dead yet, I suppose."

That was true enough. They did see each other every order meeting. Not that they ever talked. It had been sort of a mutual understanding that the two of them—they could only be lovers or nothing. Friendship...friendship wasn't enough and would never be. They opted for nothing.

Or rather, Remus opted for nothing.

Remus couldn't help but chuckle. "Yes, I suppose we're both fairing pretty well then," he said ironically.

Jodie forced out a smile, more just to placate him than anything. He seemed to know it too, because he sighed. "Don't be like this. Please," he begged, his voice breaking at the end.

She looked up at him, emotion welling in her eyes. "Be like what?" she asked, even thought she knew. Be unhappy.

He didn't answer and she looked away again. And awkward silence filled the room.

Finally, after a lengthy amount of time, Jodie spoke, her voice soft. "I would have never been disgusted."

Remus' head snapped upwards. "Wha—"

She held up her hand to stop him. "Why didn't you just tell me?" she asked quietly, her eyes trained on the lamp beside him. "Why didn't you just trust me?"

Remus shook his head. She couldn't know. He struggled to find the words to say. "I-I don't know what you're talking about."

Jodie let out a mirthless laugh. "And you still don't trust me enough." She reached into her robes and pulled out a thin book, setting it down on the bed.

_Werewolves_, it was titled.

He gulped. His hand clasped over his mouth, as he stared at her.

She looked up at him, her eyes wet. "Why didn't you just tell me?!" she screamed, her voice a mix of anger and pain.

Still, he couldn't speak.

"Answer me damnit!" Her breathing was heavy, and loud.

"I-" She wasn't looking at him anymore. But he could still see her defeated expression from her profile, her sunken shoulders and her hanging head. Maybe it was due time to explain. She deserved an explanation. Maybe it would free him. More importantly, maybe it would free her. "I just wanted...I wanted you to be happy."

Jodie closed her eyes, pushing the tears glazing over to slide out and roll down her cheek. She waited until they dripped away. "I _was _happy," she said, calmer now. "I was happy with you."

Remus shook his head adamantly. "You deserved someone who could give you everything in life. I..Obviously, I couldn't."

Jodie turned to him, and looked him straight in the eye. "I didn't need everything. I _don't _need everything." _I need you._ But those words, she knew, he would never accept.

"I was—am a beast."

Her face twisted painfully as the full force of the tears leaked. She reached for his hand, scarred and rough, and brought it to her cheek, holding it there. For a moment, he stiffened. Then, slowly, he let his thumbs rub away her tears.

She sobbed quietly, trying to stay strong, and looked at him through her blurred vision.

"Oh Jo," he whispered painfully. "Don't cry," he pleaded breathlessly. "Don't cry because of me."

"You aren't a beast. You'll never be a beast," she said simply, struggling to breathe.

"A werewolf is a monster. That's who I am."

"Not to me," she defied quietly. "Never to me."

He closed his eyes, his face unreadable.

"Remus?" she choked out.

He didn't respond. She reached out to him, releasing her hands of his when she was sure he'd leave it there on her cheek. She held a hand to his face.

He took his hand off her cheek, and clasped it over hers. "I love you so much Jo," he said with conviction.

She had never doubted it. "I know."

"I had to." Break up with you, were the unneeded words that were to come after.

"You didn't have to," she said with fervor, shaking her head.

He looked at her. She relented. "I'll never understand why you ever thought you had to. I'll never understand why you thought you didn't deserve all the love you got. Your friends loved you. I love you."

"Jodie," he cried painfully. "Don't say that!"

"I can't not," she explained. "I love you. It's not fair that you can love me and I can't love you. You can't stop me."

He squeezed her hand, and brought it away from his face. He held it tightly, never wanting to let go. He shifted on the bed slowly and carefully, minding his wound. She crawled onto the bed beside him, leaning carefully into his embrace, head rested on his shoulder. She would forever treasure this one stolen moment. As would he.

He held her tightly, scared to let go.

She took in his feel, his smell. She felt his tears drip onto her skin, and treasured them too. She knew this couldn't last, but she would take what she could get.

She craned her head up, and kissed him lightly on the cheek. "I love you," she murmured against him, before resting her head against his damp cheek.

She felt her eyes flutter to a close, and felt sleep flow into her.

"You know we can't do this tomorrow," he murmured to her, just as sleep was about to take her. He watched her mournfully, and his own words stabbed himself in the heart.

She nodded slowly, and he was, in a way, sad and relieved that she understood. She couldn't be with him, because he believed, she wouldn't be happy.

Jodie accepted that now. She would never understand it, but she would accept it. And she would wait for him to realize that she was happy.

"I told you once, and I'll tell you again. I'll wait for you." She kept her eyes closed.

He would never admit that it pleased him. He smiled sadly. "I know. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," she murmured, "I know you love me."

It lifted his heart to know she knew that. He nodded, and she felt it.

"Just for tonight," he whispered huskily. "We'll have it all to ourselves." He would forget all his sorry's, all his regrets. Just for one night.

"Tonight," she toasted quietly. She felt so warm in his arms, so safe. She loved it.

Moment passed in companionable silence. Was it selfish? He suddenly wondered.

"No," Jodie whispered, seemingly reading his thoughts. "I want this just as much as you."

He smiled.

"Jo," he said all of a sudden. "If anything were to happen to me..."

She shook her head fervently, refusing to let him continue.

"No, no, listen. If anything were to happen—"

"Don't, Remus. Please."

"If anything were to happen, know that I was happy," he said, ignoring her.

She blinked. Oh. "Me too then. I'm happy Remus. That's what you wanted right. Tomorrow, I'll be happy. Because I will be able to remember tonight. The day after, I'll be happy. I'll always have tonight."

He nodded sadly. It was all he could ever give her.

"No," he corrected, "_we'll_ always have tonight."

"But Remus, if anything were to happen _to me_, you be happy too." She continued on without letting him interrupt, knowing he wanted to. "Now, let's just enjoy tonight." She leaned against him. "Maybe when the war ends right? We'll be together?"

"What if—"

"Remus, please."

He smiled. "Yes. I promise."

"Good. Oh and Remus?"

"Yes?"

"Happy birthday."

He chuckled quietly. "Happy birthday indeed," he murmured. This was the best birthday ever.

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**So, there it is. A sort of companion fic where they just sorta come to terms with their relationship. Sad sweet. I know.**

**To explain the ending. Pretty much, tomorrow, they know that things will return to what they were like because Remus can't get over the fact that he thinks she's happier without him. But just for one night, he's willing to forget that.**

**Anyways. I hope for those who **_**didn't **_**read the story(shamelessly, I would now add—GO READ IT-go go go! My profile. I thought we were real. Yes!) that this oneshot was still understandable!**

**And for all those who have come from reading ITIWR, I hope this lived up to their relationship.:) **

**Thanks for reading**

**REVIEW.**


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